I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
