I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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