just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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