I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
