New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize