You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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