No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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