stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
