It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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