Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
