Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
