every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
