Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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