I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
