you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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