I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
