Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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