Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
