His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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