I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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