If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
