Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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