I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
