Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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