Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
