there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
