1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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