Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
