She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
