i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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