two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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