I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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