i think i have herpe
just one?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
