Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
