Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
