I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
are you so shy because you have an std?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
