I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
