The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
