I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
