I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
