What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drunk is not a location!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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