Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
