look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
