from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
