Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
