I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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