Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
