I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
