Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
