I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
