I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
