considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
two words...techno handjob
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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