Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
