I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize