yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
