So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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