we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
