It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
