his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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