Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
