I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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