So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
