my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
