Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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