Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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