I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Enjoy the penises
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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