i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
