What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
