is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
