omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you traded sex for a burrito?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
