Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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