Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
