I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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