Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
