Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
