yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
