i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
